Bailing Out, Chosen Hearts Series S6
by HDorothy
Summary: After surviving Baal's torture chamber, Jack's goes AWOL. Desperate, Sam sacrifices everything to find him, including her career. Warning: Issue of rape is addressed. Lots of angst and hurt, but always a happy ending for our favorite couple.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Bailing Out - Chosen Heart Series, Season 6

Author: HailDorothy

Spoilers: 604-Abyss, 601- Frozen, 521 – Meridian

Rated: T

Category: Romance, Angst/adventure

Pairing: J/S

Disclaimer: Never, ever will be mine. Crap!

Song: 'She'll Hear You' Ben Jelen © 2004

Summary: After surviving Baal's torture chamber Jack's goes AWOL. Desperate, Sam sacrifices everything to find him including her career.

_**Author's Note: WRITERS ARE INSECURE CREATURES. PLEASE POST A REVIEW? Coz it encourages this insecure author to keep writing. Thanks, HailDorothy **_

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**PROLOGUE**

**Baal's abandoned test facility, The Fortress: **

"Daniel?"

"Oma?"

"What are you doing back here?"

"Brooding. Do you mind? I mean can't an Ancient have anytime alone?"

"You have all the time in the—"

"The world, yeah I know or in our situation, I suppose the universe."

"Yes." She materialized before him. "But I don't understand why you came back here."

"Because I blew it. I let Jack down and now he's about do so something stupid."

"Why?"

"Because he's remembering what happened, Oma. It's just a matter of time before he realizes that he caved in and told Baal about the lotar's affair with Kanan."

"That's not your fault."

"Yes it is! I entered Jack's head and manipulated his memories. I'm no better than Baal!"

"You did that to protect Jack from himself."

"Did I really? I did what you told me to do, Oma, and now it's backfired."

"We know about O'Neill's strong protective nature. He'd have loathed himself if he knew he'd been broken by Baal."

"He already hates himself, Oma. He just doesn't know why and it's affecting everyone around him. I told Jack he was going to be okay, but he's sooo not. I'm afraid he's going to harm Sam. And it's all my fault."

"Daniel?"

"What?"

"Why do you continue to blame yourself for the choices that Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter make?"

Daniel turned and looked at his mentor, then shook his head in frustration. "You really don't get it do you, Oma?"

"How the Tau'ri can unselfishly put others before themselves and then admit when they make mistakes, especially the kind that hurts the people they love?"

"Yes." Daniel was honestly surprised.

"The fact you've returned here without my prodding explains much, Daniel."

"So now what?"

"Try not to interfere."

"You have got to be kidding!" Daniel snorted only to find himself alone as he backtracked to that dark time when Jack had been a prisoner of Baal. Daniel set his Ancient jaw tight. This time, he'd do whatever he could to help his friend. After all, the future of the galaxy hung in the balance, depended on Jack and Sam's chosen hearts living to see another—hopefully, better day.

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**Four Months Earlier: Baal's Fortress**

Crap! So this is how a fly plastered to a spider's web feels. Considering his aversion to bugs Jack's predicament seemed poetic justice. Was that a cliché? Carter would know.

"Acid or knives this round?" Baal taunted and held up the objects for Jack's selection.

"I'm on vacation. You pick. However, that last blade was a tad dullish—," The knife sped through the air and hit its mark, Jack's left shoulder. The blade ripped through flesh, sinew--Jack felt bone splinter! If not for the hilt the knife would have plunged clear through.

"Argh!" Jack stifled the scream of pain that begged release. He'd not give Baal that satisfaction.

The Goa'uld snickered; extending a hand device the knife extracted from Jack and flew back to Baal. Brandishing the blood drenched knife Baal paced and frowned. If Jack didn't know better the alien was pissed—again. Hello!

"I fail to understand you, Tau'ri."

"That's refreshing." Jack felt warm blood streaming from his wound.

Baal glared. "I killed and revived you over a dozen times before you remembered the name of the Tok'ra you hosted. Then nothing. Now, I give you the desire of your heart, turned your pain into blissful pleasure and still you won't tell me what I want!"

"Coz, I don't know!" Jack spewed spittle at the man and shut his eyes. He tried not to think that he was buck naked in front of this evil creature that had resorted to using the blood of Sokar and an innocent woman to torture him. Smelling sex and knowing it wasn't Sam, he entreated_, God end this, please! _

"My lotar does not please you?"

"No!" he hissed back. "And I can't tell you what I don't know. So just kill me again, wilya?"

"You'd rather I use the knives and acid?" Ba'al strode closer.

"Now there's a novel idea, Bocce Ball."

"But that has proven less efficient and entertaining. Like you, my lotar refuses to share what I demand to know. However, she is close to breaking. Perhaps a few more times of ecstasy in the arms of her lover Kanan will jar her memory or yours."

"Go to hell!"

"In due course." Baal aimed another doohickey at Jack's mouth, causing his tight set jaw to open with ease. While a guard pinched Jack's nostrils shut, Baal poured a steady stream of the crimson fluid down his throat. Jack gagged and coughed, trying to spit the liquid, but failed.

Baal laughed and ordered a guard, "Bring her. Meanwhile," he put his hand device to Jack's forehead, "We shall warm you up so to speak. You are with the woman you desire. Take her, O'Neill, take her as a man takes a woman for base pleasure, over and over again."

"No!" Basic instincts seized hold, controlling Jack. Tears flowed down his face as his last coherent thought fled. _Forgive me, Sam?_

**CHAPTER ONE**

_I'm dreaming a world with you, _

_I wish the night was longer_

_I'm chasing the way we were, _

_I wish that I could catch us_

_I'm feeling your hand in mine,_

_I wish I'd held it closer_

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**Present Time: SGC**

"It's my sidearm, really. No giggling."

Sam sighed in her daydream recalling the first time Jack O'Neill had murmured those words to her. And despite that he had been critically injured and they'd been freezing to death, it had not been his sidearm her hand had accidentally engaged that icy cold day, or similar times afterward. To know that their love and desire was once so intense, even dying could not subdue it, seemed but a dream now.

She recalled when after they'd rescued him from Baal's fortress, how in the infirmary, weak and suffering from sarcophagi withdrawal symptoms, he'd thanked her and squeezed her hand. She wanted to leave him rest and had done just that. Since then they'd barely touched or shared any alone time. His choice. Sam needed to stop thinking about what had been and that Jack had shut her out of his life months ago, and there was no sign he wanted her back.

Stretching, she ruffled her hair and then selected the folders needed for her class. Still, her mind wandered. Sam wondered if there was an annulment or divorce clause in the Jaffa marriage license they'd signed two years ago. Not that she wanted either mind you, but considering Jack's apparent desire to never fulfill their vows after one of them left the Air Force—

"Carter?" he drawled in that tone that gave her goose bumps.

Sam looked up to find her CO decked in offworld gear occupying her lab's doorway. Turning her back she shoved her emotions deep down where he couldn't see them.

"Ready for your mission with Jonas to PX1 076, sir?" She rose from her stool, folders in hand and talked business as usual.

"Oh, yeah, it'll be like a trip to Disney World. Can't wait for the Jungle ride." He rolled his brown eyes as he swaggered toward her, hands in his front BDU pockets. Man, he looked hot!

"Sir. This means a lot to Jonas. First off, that planet is beautiful and secondly, it'll give you two an opportunity to bond."

Jack planted his tanned hands on her desk, leaned over and said in his gruffest tone, "I don't bond, Carter, especially with guys let alone, Jonas Quinn."

"I know. But this was your idea, sir." She reminded with a grin, while her gaze settled on his hand and wrist hairs that she longed to caress, knowing how soft they were.

"That's because I'm bored bonkers with Teal'c visiting Rya'c and you stuck in Science 101 Class."

"I'm not stuck. I like instructing the new SGC officers in basic astrophysics and how it applies to the Stargate."

"Hey, I could share some of my own genius on the topic." He raised his left brow.

"No offense, sir, but I don't want to further confuse them."

"I'm crushed."

"No you're not. Besides, there's always that stack of paperwork on your desk." She winked.

"You are so enjoying this aren't you?" He ducked his head level with hers, his breath warming her cheek.

"Yep." She smiled catching the roguish brown twinkle she'd rarely seen since his capture and torture by Baal. Man, she'd missed him. "But remember, it's just for the day, sir. Tonight we go bowling."

"Ah. Yes, our clandestine bowling date." He enthusiastically scrubbed his palms.

"A three person date, sir. We're teaching Jonas how to bowl."

The lights went out in the O'Neill house. "Yeah, right. Just whose dumb idea was that?"

She tilted her head and frowned.

"Do'h, another inspiring Hallmark moment by O'Neill. Next time I open my big yawper, Carter, make sure I've got both feet nailed to the floor."

"Will do." She smirked and held his chocolate gaze. Jack's eyes lightened briefly. His left dimple tucked deep and she thought to see '_him,_' again, and then his smile washed out, the gleam shutdown. Sam's heart sunk.

"Well," he tapped his watch. "Guess, I'm off to see the wizard with Jonas." He turned to leave then glanced back. "Going my way?" His brows waggled.

"Sure." With just twenty minutes to get to the lecture room and setup, Sam switched off her PC, grabbed her folders and strolled out with him. One hand stuffed in his front pocket, Jack's left arm swung by his side. The corridor was empty. Jack walked closer than what had become habit these past few months. His choice. As they accelerated their pace, his free hand braced the small of her back when they took a corner. Sam's breath hitched. This was good right? He'd not intentionally touched her since his recovery at the cabin. Sam gulped, then pushed those turbulent joyful days aside.

"Sir?" She stopped by the elevator and swept her card. Jack's hand dropped away only to capture her free hand. Sam felt the blood rush to her cheeks. What the—Why now? She clutched the folders and looked up cautiously, expecting his eyes to glow.

"What?" He looked at her, looping her hand tighter with his long calloused fingers. The colonel had the strangest expression on his lean tan face. A look she'd seen before. So bittersweet, so—Oy! She tried to place the specific memory, one she shouldn't have lost sight of, but had.

"Is there something you want to say, sir?" She gazed to where their hands intertwined, hoping no one would come sailing around the corner or off the elevator. Thankfully this particular security camera was on the fritz. No doubt why her CO would be so bold.

'Oh,' Jack mouthed. He struggled. "Um, no. Just wanted to do that. Okay?"

"I'm glad." She blushed and squeezed back. Holy Hannah! Was he back?

"Me too." He winced.

When Jack met her intrepid gaze blissful memories sluiced over Sam. She tried not to think of their marriage on Chulak, and the vows taken between lovers. God help her, she wanted her husband back. Dare she hope?

"Is everything all right, sir?"

"Could be." He offered a succinct smile. "I—" He traced a blunt fingertip along her chin.

"Jack?" she sighed fighting the urge to kiss him, to break the regs in a main corridor of the SGC.

As if sensing her intent he lowered his hand but not before tracking her neck to his favorite place behind her left ear and gently caressing her there. Sam leaned into his touch. The moment she attempted to search his face, his CO mask dropped into place, blocking her out. The elevator door opened and she glanced at the empty car.

"High ho, high ho, off to work we go, Major." Jack shooed her onboard, his hand directing traffic.

"Yes, sir." She stepped backward into the car and pressed the hold button, still engaging his deep mocha gaze.

Jack gave a sloppy salute. "Catch ya later, Samantha." He turned to walk off.

Sam was stunned stupid. He hadn't called her, Samantha, since—She reached for the brass ring. "Sir, are we still _okay_?"

His tall rigid outline to her, Jack halted, but didn't look back. "Yeah sure ya betcha . . .always, Dorothy." He gave a single wave then strolled out of sight.

Her heart kicking into overdrive Sam leaned against the car's wall and blindly stared at the blinking light asking which floor. She hit the release button and then glanced at her stack of colored folders. Reality crashed her daydream. Dang, she forgot the red one on the Principles of the Naquadah Reactor. Two minutes later, she took the corner to her lab and scanned her workstation spotting the red folder among a few others folders by her pc. Reaching over the stack her elbow sent them toppling to the floor.

"Man!" She glanced at her watch. Dropping to her knees she gathered up the strewn pile and plopped them on the workstation. A sealed envelope slipped out from between folders. It was addressed, 'Carter.'

Recognizing Jack's scribble she tore it open. The colonel's dog tags tumbled into her hands along with a single handwritten letter.

_My beloved someone, _

_How's that for a salutation? Sort of Shakespearian, huh? _

_So, I figure if you got this I didn't make it back to Oz. Sorry, I failed you. But I needed to bury the hatchet, seal the coffin, even the score—yada, yada. _

_Anyway, if I didn't try this I wouldn't be good to anyone, especially you. When that scum ball--Baal repeatedly killed and resurrected me, he killed my humanity and ability to love, especially you. Daniel warned me that would happen. And I regret I've not been there for you since then. But let's be honest, even when I'm the man you love, I'm not the man you deserve. _

_You deserve to be happy, Samantha, always have. So, goodnight, my someone, goodnight._

_Always,  
Jack_

"No!" Sam dropped her folders and raced for the elevator.

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General Hammond's Office:

"Request permission to join Colonel O'Neill and Jonas at PX1 076, sir?" Sam said breathlessly.

"I thought you had a class at 0930, Major?"

"I've rescheduled it, sir." She tried to act nonchalant.

"A little paranoid about the colonel spending the day alone with Jonas, are we?" Hammond chuckled.

"Something like that, sir. The colonel was more testy than usual. And I am the one who requested the soil samples be collected."

"Request granted. See you at 1500 hours. You're dismissed."

"Thank you, General." She saluted and hightailed it for the gate room.

Five minutes later, stepping out of the event horizon Sam looked around the meadow. "Colonel? Jonas?"

"Sam!" Jonas was standing by the DHD and FRED. "I was just about to phone home." He looked flustered.

"Where is he?"

"Don't know. I thought," he pointed at the gate. "You were the Colonel coming back. We'd just arrived and he told me to collect samples over there and he'd take point." He waved toward a thicket of trees a good fifty yards off. "So I did. Next I heard the gate dial up. By the time I got here, he was gone."

Sam nodded and began entering coordinates on the DHD.

"Where is he, Major? Like is this one of his practical jokes?" The younger man came alongside her.

Sam turned, seeing his concern and confusion. "No, Jonas, the Colonel's not playing games. He's got a serious problem that he thinks only he can resolve and it has nothing to do with you."

"You telling me, Colonel O'Neill's gone AWOL?"

Wincing, Sam's mouth opened then snapped shut. "I'm telling you the same thing I would have told General Hammond. Trust me, I'll bring him back."

"What do you mean would have? Does the General know?" Jonas scratched his jaw.

Sam shook her head no. Chevron seven locked.

"Oh boy!"

The puddle flushed. "Look, Jonas, you need to get back to base. I'll radio if I need help."

"Hey, I'm coming with you." He grabbed his pack off the ground.

"That's an order, Jonas."

"But you'll need help. If Daniel were here, he'd be going with you."

Sam flinched. Jonas was right, but he wasn't Daniel and in all honesty, the fewer involved in this charade the better. "I'm sorry, Jonas, I can't take the chance. You need to report to General Hammond and ask that Teal'c be informed."

"So you're going behind the General's back to find the Colonel?"

"I'd rather think of it as, pulling an O'Neill chain of command decision. I'm your CO, Jonas, do what I say."

"Okay, but Hammond's going to be Texas mad."

"It's not your fault," she reassured him, running up the platform to the gate.

"So where you going?"

"Oz!" she called backed.

"Where in the world is Oz?"

"Here." Sam touched her heart and then stepped through the event horizon.


	2. Chapter 2

**BAILING OUT **

**Chapter Two **

**Rated M  
**

**WARNING: You're about to see a darker side of Colonel Jack O'Neill. If the reality of attempted rape disturbs you, please don't read any further! - HailDorothy **

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_"Is it you?" Jack opened his eyes to find the strange but lovely face of a woman hovering before him. _

_"What?" He blinked. _

_"You shouldn't have come back," she said a hair's breath from his face, her breath was sweet and warm, like Sam's. _

_"I-I don't remember . . ." He sure as heck wanted to. _

"_If I leave with you . . . he will know."_

"_Who?"_

"_Baal." _

"_What's your name?"_

"_You don't remember?" she sounded hurt. _

"_No, I . . ." Excruciating pain shot through his chest._

Hands shaking, perspiration streaking his brow, Jack jolted from the flashback and continued to hack through the dense emerald brush with his bowie knife. He glanced at his watch and cursed. He had to get the hell out of Dodge before someone got wise, someone like Carter.

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Leaving Jonas behind, Sam prayed that a band of Jaffa didn't greet her on the other side. She also hoped she'd arrive within minutes after Jack's gating. He must have planned this for a while. The jackass!

She wondered if his reference to the Jungle Ride had been intentional. As suspected, she stepped through the abandoned jungle gate, stumbling over vines and landed on her pride. "Damn Irishman!" _Her Irishman!_

It had been over a year since SG-1 had visited this uninhabited world, then Dad had been along. The tropical forest, a massive maze of emerald seemed to have doubled in size. She could easily get lost, but her intuitive bond with Jack led her to him. Not to mention she suspected his present objective was Dad related.

Still, she feared her CO would sense her approach and not because of his Black Ops skill. His keen sense of smell and awareness for her was too weird. Her lover's ability was on high alert for Jack's distinct invisible brand and not the usual English Leather cologne that he'd conveniently not worn today. Guided by love and instinct, Sam was on the right track.

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Jack sniffed the humid air. Crap! The plan had been too easy or so, he'd thought. Carter was just too brilliant for her own good, for his. "Damn woman!" _His woman!_

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Ten minutes later, Sam picked her way through the humid tangle of trees and brush to spot him uncovering the Tel'tac.

"You cantankerous dimwitted, blowhard--sir!" she raved as she marched toward him.

Jack swung around, his P90 locked and aimed at her chest. "Carter! What the frick —" Foul words tumbled out as he dragged his shades off his chestnut-brown eyes. He didn't look surprised to see her.

"Don't you dare curse me, sir." She stomped to within inches of his tall lean frame. "You have broken about a dozen regs, including this one." She pointed at the camouflaged ship.

"Stand down, Carter! And then get the hell outa here."

"My ass is in the sling too, sir," she spat back.

"You didn't?"

"Yes."

"Geez, Carter. That's a court martial offense."

"And this isn't?" She waved her hands at their situation. Man, she was pissed.

"I don't give a rip about me!"

"Nor myself, Teal'c and Jonas?"

"Oy!" He rubbed his face and snarled, "So how'd ya'd . . ."

"This." She yanked the crumbled letter out of her pocket and flagged it at him.

'Oh,' he mouthed. "You weren't suppose to find that unless—"

"Well next time be sneakier with someone less brilliant." She tried for glib but his fierce expression meant she'd failed. "So let's get back before we bury ourselves any deeper with Hammond."

"Damn it, Samantha Jean." His shoulders stiffened with resolve. "I'm not going back until I do this."

Her eyes rounded at his informality, but she stayed on track. "Do what?"

Jack turned and tugged the rest of the camouflage from the ship.

"Colonel?" She followed on his six.

His gruff CO bravado kicked back, "Go home, Major." He gathered up the yards of camouflage and shoved it behind a tree with the rest of the material.

"Not without you."

"Don't make me hurt you, Carter," he warned.

"Love to see you try," she countered. She'd kicked his ass before and could do it again. Emotionally and physically ready for the fight of her life, Sam dropped her pack, tossed her P90 and took the defensive boxing stance, fists raised.

Jack ignored her.

"Don't let my being a woman bother you. Remember what I did to Turghan. Besides I'm now level five advanced."

"Yeah right." O'Neill snorted and that to Sam was plain insulting.

"C'mon, give me your best shot, Colonel." She jabbed his bicep. "Whoops! I just hit a superior officer." She danced around him throwing punches and nailed him in the right kidney, which made him flinch.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Jack decked her.

Fiery pain shot through her jaw. Sam stared shocked-eyed at her commander. He'd hit her!

"Air Force Academy's heavy weight boxing champion three years running." He rubbed his bruised knuckles and then blew on her. Sam toppled like a stack of cards. "Nighty night, my dear someone."

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'_That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia. . .'_

Sam awoke to the hum of engines and a Reba McEntire song ringing in her skull. She'd been placed on a narrow cot inside the sleeping compartment. A blanket had been tucked securely and methodically around her. Only one man tucked her in this way. If not for their dire situation she'd have smiled. He'd wrapped her up as if she were a child. No doubt a Charlie thing.

"Colonel," she called out.

He didn't answer.

She took inventory of her surroundings. Her backpack set on the floor by her feet but her com, P90, sidearm, and knife was gone. Despite the icepack resting on her chin, Sam hurt. Removing the pack she flexed her jaw. Wow, he delivered one mean wallop. She couldn't recall going down so fast. Oh, yeah, his nasty left hook. Teal'c warned her. Six years and he'd never hit her. Well, there was the Jolinar incident, but that was different. So did this constitute as domestic abuse?

Breaking free from Jack's cocoon she staggered to the hatch. At least he hadn't locked her inside. She opened the door and headed for the helm, which in a scout ship was a matter of feet. Jack sat in the pilot's seat entering coordinates. She glanced out vaguely recognizing the star system.

"Have a seat. We're about to enter hyper-drive." He seemed casual which under the circumstances made the situation weirder.

She settled in the copilot's chair and sidled a glance his way. Although he wasn't smiling, his expression appeared open. She couldn't keep her mouth shut, "So, I don't suppose you asked Dad's permission to borrow his Tel'tac, sir?" She winced at her aching jaw.

"Nope, didn't get that memo." He held the pulsing red steering globe and stared out the helm window.

"Incredible," she scoffed then added, "sir." _You moron!_

Jack operated the controls and the ship lurched forward.

Sam held tight to the seat until her stomach settled. This was worse than gating. Jack took a deep breath, exhaled and turned to her. His attention rested on her puffy jaw. His brow crinkled, his handsome features cringed, and his eyes narrowed. He looked concerned. _Screw you! _

"Sorry 'bout that." He reached to touch the bruise, but she jerked free.

"Don't buy it, sir." She noted his pained expression at her retreat. "Hope it hurts. Then again if it did, you wouldn't be doing this, _sir_." She gestured to their situation. "Man, oh, man, this has got to be one of the dumbest, lamest O'Neill brainstorms I've ever heard, seen or been a part of! I can't believe you're going after Baal. Alone!"

"After Baal! You nuts?" He had that deer caught in the headlights look.

"You're not?"

"Hell no!"

"Then what's this . . . about?"

His mouth ironed out as he donned his deadpan mask. She hated when he did that. She deserved better.

"Sir, how can I understand or help if you don't tell me?"

Jack stood and dragged a hand through his short gray locks. He looked tired. In fact he looked old. Why hadn't she seen this coming, seen the warning signs? Trouble was she had, she'd just chosen to ignore them.

"Get some rest, Carter. It's going to be at least twelve hours before we reach our objective."

"Which is?"

'Baal's fortress."

"I was right." She clambered out of her seat and got in his face.

"Easy!" he warned, glaring her down, his fingers biting into her tender shoulders. "Try anything and you'll regret it, Major."

"Are you threatening me, sir?"

"Major, you know I don't threaten. Next time, I'll zat you--twice!" His eyes flashed with that quicksilver she'd glimpsed a few times since his return. A coldness that made her more than nervous--scared. He'd never killed her. Well, so there was that Entity matter . . . Swallowing, Sam took a tentative step back, glanced at the controls, her devious mind calculating. His brown gaze followed hers.

"Don't bother. First off, the coordinates are coded and locked. Second, I sent a message to Hammond that you're safe and not responsible for any of this. Third, I disconnected the communications board. Pieces are missing. And now," he sniffed, "I'm starved," then walked off to the refectory as if it were a typical mission. She wished.

Shaking, Sam turned from the console and slid down onto the helm's floor drawing her knees to her chest. What in glory had happened to him? Her hatred for the system lords had always been strong, and she'd thought she could never hate any of them more than Apophis. That had changed. Baal was Satan incarnate!

Sam revisited the changes she'd seen in Jack since that horrible event. More often than not, he was detached to a point that his torture seemed to have never happened. But it had, and it affected everyone around him, especially what counted most—Their marriage. Tears burned the rims of her eyes, but Sam restrained them. She'd not let Jack see her cry in a very long time and wasn't about to start. Besides, she was more his 2IC than his wannabe lover and wife. She wondered whether that would ever be important to him again, and despite what he said before he left this morning or in his letter, if they'd ever be _okay_?

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Jack sat down with the Tok'ra's MRE's version of meat and potatoes. Why did all Tok'ra food taste like Cream O' Wheat or Oatmeal—without sweetener? Those snakeheads had no culinary talent let alone taste. What he wouldn't give for a steak and beer. He took a few nibbles then shoved the container away. He could retrieve one of his MRE's but that meant encountering Sam. No way. He must keep his distance. Or he'd cave in and return with her. The woman's timing sucked!

Times like this he wanted to strangle her and knowing that he could, frightened the ever-loving crap out of him. That's why he had to return to Baal's fortress and find that tonic the lotar, Shallan, said could cure him from the sarcophagi affects and the blood of Sokar that still plagued him night and day.

But even if he couldn't find the tonic, Jack had to find Shallan. He knew she'd gone with the Tok'ra but news came down that she'd disappeared two weeks ago without a trace. He suspected that like himself, she had ghosts to bury and knew where those ghosts lived. He had to know she was safe, if not, he'd never forgive himself. Dropping his head onto his hands, Jack prayed he'd succeed in his mission and that the Star Keeper would protect Sam from Jack's mounting rage and then, release him from his demons. If not, he would do whatever was necessary to protect Sam from himself, even if it meant suicide.

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"Daniel?" Sam rubbed her eyes, blinked and then stared at the familiar friendly face. Barefooted, he wore his favorite white cable-knit sweater and jeans. He looked like Daniel minus the glasses.

"Hi, Sam."

"Am I dreaming?"

"Ah, no. Nope. It's me, just like last time. But you can't tell Jack."

"Why?"

"Sam," he settled on the floor beside her. "I'm not supposed to be here. And I can only talk to one of you at a time or I'll get found out."

"Oh, if you say so." She still hadn't gotten the whole Ancient do's and don'ts down.

"And you can't tell Jack."

"But he told me when you helped him with Baal."

"I know. But he was going through withdrawal so that was allowed. Not this time."

"Okay," she yawned out. "He's really lost it, Daniel. One minute he's holding my hand and then wrote me this," she pulled out the crumpled letter. "Next, he knocked me out cold and threatened to zat me. I believe him."

"Yeah, I know about the letter." Daniel frowned. "Actually I've seen everything since he came into your lab. He's fighting the affects of the sarcophagus. Jack believes it has changed him."

Sam's head snapped up. "What do you mean he believes? It either has or hasn't changed him."

"Because he didn't tell you everything Baal did to him."

"Sure he did. I know all about the daggers and the acid. How he lost track of how many times he was killed and revived. How you tried to convince him to ascend. Heck, we spent agonizing weeks at his cabin deprogramming and—"

Shaking his head, Daniel sighed out, "Baal made him drink the blood of Sokar."

"Wow!" She shuddered remembering her own experience.

"At least ten times I know about. There could have been more. I missed sometime with him when I was talking to you."

Sam blanched. "Ten! Dad said one could drive you insane." Tears surfaced.

"Yes. But Baal learned to monitor the ingested amount, and each time he pushed Jack to the breaking point. Apparently Baal mixed another potion with the blood of Sokar that well . . . made Jack do things he would never ever do."

"Oh, no!" Sam brought her hands to her face. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"Probably ashamed."

"Pride cometh before the fall," she muttered, "Typical O'Neill." Sam glanced toward the cargo bay where Jack sat cleaning his P90 and not looking well.

"Yeah, but there's more—" Daniel hesitated.

"What?"

"I can't tell you." He glanced about as if he were being watched.

"Please, Daniel, how can I help the colonel if you don't help me?"

"Sam, Jack would kill me if he knew I talked to you."

"There is no greater wrath, than a woman scorned," she hissed. "Besides you're ascended so he can't touch you."

"Right." He glanced Jack's way, leaned closer and whispered, "All the hallucinations involved you."

"Me! I would have thought Charlie or Sara."

"Shush." He pressed his fingers to her lips, only to have them pass through her. "Sorry. Anyway those older wounds have finally healed. Baal needed more recent ones."

"Oh." She could only imagine. No, she'd rather not.

Her friend nodded solemnly. "Sam, I know you want to help him, but be careful. I'm afraid your life could be in danger."

"From who?"

"Jack."

Daniel vanished.

"Man, I hate when you do that!"

00000

"Glad you could come, Jacob." Hammond rose from his leather chair and extended a hand of welcome to his friend.

Jacob/Selmak wasn't smiling. "This better be good, George. I was about to infiltrate Baal's new outpost."

"It's important." George glanced behind Jacob where Harriman stood waiting further orders, "Shut the door, Sergeant, and I don't want to be disturbed unless there's word from Colonel O'Neill or Major Carter."

"Yes, sir."

"Closed doors are not a good sign." Jacob walked further into the office.

"Have a seat. Coffee?" George poured himself a cup.

"Nope. Selmak doesn't like caffeine. Now," he smoothed his Tok'ra uniform and settled in a chair, "What's so urgent?"

George drew a breath and exhaled. He decided to be straight with the father of his godchild. "Five hours ago, Colonel O'Neill went AWOL off world and—"

"I see." Jacob shut his eyes.

"You don't seem surprised." George felt his face warm with anger.

"Actually I'm surprised it took this long."

"Okay, now I'm worried!" George shoved to his feet. "What did the Tok'ra fail to tell us this time?"

Jacob lowered his head then raised it. His eyes glowed white before Selmak said, "I tried to make the council accountable, General, however as the colonel refused to be seen by our scientists we had no way to know the true extent of psychology and emotional damage Baal inflicted on Colonel O'Neill. We also fear he could be a danger, not only to himself but others."

"A danger? This is un-welcomed news!" George's clenched hand hit the desk so hard that papers flew. "Doctor Fraiser requested any vital information the Tok'ra had regarding Baal's torture methods and you never answered. Now you say you're not surprised that my finest officer has not only jumped ship but could be dangerous!"

"We were in the midst of relocating—" Selmak defended.

"Damn it, Jacob, Sam went after him."

Jacob returned and gaped at Hammond. "When?"

"Shortly after the colonel gated. She obviously was onto his strategy. She lied to me and then sent Jonas Quinn back with some cock'nbull story about going to Oz. Fortunately; Jonas saw the coordinates she'd gated too."

"Which is?"

"PX-4927 where you keep your backup scout ship or should I say '_kept_' it. I assume O'Neill is long gone by now."

"He stole my Tel'tac!" Blustered, Jacob was out of his chair.

"Yes and—"

"George, I fear this has to do with the disappearance of the lotar, Shallan, last week. We had a Tok'ra follow her, but lost communication. Yesterday, we found him stranded on a moon two thousand light years from where he'd last seen her. He said she had threatened to kill him—"

"Well this just keeps getting richer," George groused, rubbing his aching temples.

"Sir?" Walter said over the office intercom, "We've off world radio chatter. It's Colonel O'Neill's IDC."

"We're on our way." Both men scrambled for the door and down the stairs. Jonas and Teal'c entered the control room while Doctor Fraiser followed.

"Patch him through, son." Hammond ordered Walter as they gathered around the console.

"Yes, sir."

The next sound they heard was the fuzzy but distinct voice of Jack O'Neill. "General Hammond, sir. With all due respect, I didn't go AWOL. I retired—again. You'll find my post-dated and signed resignation—Um, Walter, it's stuck under your keyboard with gum . . ."

Walter reached under and yanked out an envelope secured by a bubble gum wad. He grimaced and handed the sticky correspondence to Hammond while Jack rattled on.

" . . . Sir, I should have done this months ago, but pride and personal issues delayed that wiser alternative. I need to put some ghosts to rest. If I succeed I will happily accept whatever chastisement you deem fit. If I fail, well, it was an honor serving with you, SG-1 and every officer and airman and airwoman at the SGC.

"Oh, tell Jacob I borrowed his Tel'tac and won't lose it! Although, the cloaking device is still on the fritz, comes and goes. . . Um, Major Carter, decided to tag along—unwillingly. Just add kidnapping to my IOU list, sir. Ya know Carter's gung-hoe attitude to always do the right thing. I'll see she's returned intact. I highly advise not sending anyone after me. I'm not worth it, sir. That's all for now . . . signing off. . . Roger, over and out . . ."

For a moment everyone stared at one another. Jacob shut his blue eyes and groaned. Selmak spoke, "I fear this is far worse than anticipated."

"I'm sorry, sirs, I should have stayed with Major Carter." Jonas expounded, shaking his head in regret.

"No, son." George patted the younger man's back, "You did right returning. At least someone around here obeys orders."

"Yes, General." His shoulders slouched.

George rubbed his bald head and addressed Jacob, "I want you and Selmak to share everything you know with Doctor Fraiser."

"Of course." Jacob nodded with a troubled look.

"Referring to?" Fraiser stuck her hands into her white lab coat and looked up at Jacob.

"Selmak has reason to believe that Colonel O'Neill's mental stability might still be compromised from his imprisonment by Baal." Jacob explained.

"I see." Her brown eyebrows hiked up her forehead. "Well, per his usual unorthodox antics," her gazed shifted to the gummy envelope in Hammond's hand, "the colonel sounds quite lucid, sir."

"Indeed, he did sound like Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c injected sternly.

"I know," George blew out his mouth. "And that's what scares me most."


	3. Chapter 3

**Bailing Out: Chapter Three**

_**Warning: Jack's not himself and Sam is victimized. **_

**Twelve hours later:**

In the closing shadows of the approaching cold night, Sam glanced at her CO's prone form less than two feet away. For nearly three hours, they'd been belly-flat on the ridge with P90's poised and night vision goggles. After Lord Yu's invasion, Jack hadn't planned on another Goa'uld moving into Baal's trashed headquarters. His brooding silence now the last vestige of the Jack O'Neill she knew actually gave her comfort.

Sam wasn't in any better disposition. Resentment rose to strangle her normal good nature. Daniel said Jack had been forced to hallucinate about her. What could Baal conjure Jack to fantasize that would make him pull away from her, let alone despise her as she sensed he presently did. Sam thought the time they'd shared together during his healing process at his cabin had bonded them stronger than ever. She'd been wrong. Not only had he withheld this serious matter from her, he'd grown quieter, distant, even with Teal'c. And Jonas, well that was another matter.

The younger man thought the colonel blamed him for Daniel's death. He did. All Jonas wanted was Jack's forgiveness and for Jack to like and accept him as part of SG-1. While Jack felt the fact he'd chosen Jonas over a Russian for the team more than generous.

No one said Jack was quick on the draw with forgiveness. Sam knew that when burned he could be a stubborn SOB. She'd always thought that's where their differences complimented each other. Sam was easy to forgive and forget. And while Jack may not always be the most trusting of new acquaintances especially aliens, he remained loyal to the death with his team and friends.

Sure, Jack had issues, but this newest one took the cake. To the point Sam was at a loss. Furthermore, whatever love and future he had once promised her appeared dead and buried. Until this morning, there hadn't been any expression of affection from him in so long she'd almost given up hope.

"Carter?"

"Colonel?" She swallowed, not realizing how dry her throat was or the tears that had managed to mist her eyes. She was thankful for the darkness. '_Sir_.' She rarely didn't finish or start without sir or colonel anymore. It kept her heart at bay, kept her safe. Odd, there'd been a time her overkill of formal address drove him nuts and he'd mince no words telling her that. No longer.

"I'll take watch. You rest," he spoke softly.

"I'm fine, sir." She rolled her aching shoulders and adjusted her numb elbows on the clay ground beneath her. Years of discipline had hardened her and she could lie here just as long as he could, if not longer. She had better knees.

"That's an order. In a few minutes we won't be able to see anything."

"That's what the night goggles are for, sir. Besides, I'm not tired, sir," she hissed.

"Tie a knot on the sirs, wilya."

"Can't, sir." She sidled a glance his way.

His black knit cap tight to his brows, Jack turned and glared. She could see his jaw working, his mouth moving as it always did when he sorted his thoughts. "What's your fricking problem, Carter?" he ground out.

"My problem, sir?" Surprised he even cared.

"Yeah?" he drawled, looking back into his night scope.

"You, sir."

"Really?" his tone incredulous, he didn't look at her.

"Yes, but since you stopped caring about how I feel or think, let alone considerate it a problem I won't bore you, Colonel O'Neill, sir."

"Geez," he turned to her. "I've always cared about what you feel and think."

"Whatever." She snagged her lower lip, knowing she bordered on insubordination which was a joke considering they'd gone AWOL. Heck, she'd already hit and disrespectfully called a commanding officer a string of rude names. Scratch that, no matter her noncompliance, she'd always respect the officer, Colonel O'Neill. It was the man, Jack O'Neill, with whom she had issues.

"If you don't mind, Colonel, I'll rest." She began to crawl backward, but Jack reached out and snagged her right wrist.

"Sam?" He looked fixedly at her in the moonlight.

She felt nothing but contempt not for Jack, but for what had been taken from him, from her. "With all due respect, sir, go to hell!" She felt him flinch and then let go.

"Already there." He turned back to watch the guarded transport ring.

00000

A few yards away, Sam refused to sleep. Not that they weren't in a secured location. Jack always was good at finding safe haven. Surrounded by heavy foliage and trees with the backdrop of a low overhanging cliff, she could barely distinguish his prone body on the opposite knoll. She didn't know what he was waiting for. Any other assignment he'd have shared plan A on target penetration and ask for her opinion or a plan B. Not this time. Nor had she inquired.

Despite how miserable she felt Sam wouldn't do it differently. Even if they got out of this O'Neill brainstorm alive and he was court-martialed, she'd stand by her man. Because when all was said and done, Jack O'Neill was her CO, lover and more importantly her husband. Until death do us part. She prayed he'd not forgotten their vows or how much they loved each other.

Eyeing his silhouette, she wondered what was going on inside his lunatic-on-the-fringe brain. See there was atypical wacko O'Neill and then there was this newest scarier version. Short-fused, sullen, withdrawn with huge mood swings. Clearly, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD.

She knew Hammond and Janet were more concerned than usual. Per Fraiser's orders Jack saw Mackenzie for five sessions and then politely mocked Janet after the psychiatrist gave Jack a clean bill of mental health. Sam never did trust military shrinks. Just what did they consider normal for a former Black Ops on-the-lunatic-fringe? For one Jack O'Neill?

Yet he had done nothing outrageous to get him assigned downtime or be considered unfit for duty. Everyone including Hammond had dealt until now. She could only imagine who the General was reaming out, Mackenzie for one. Her ears ached with the thought of being on the end of his Texan tongue-lashing especially since she too deserved it. Being George's godchild wouldn't carry any weight going AWOL.

Sam yawned, willing herself to stay awake. She didn't trust her CO. Knew he intended to slip off and—

"Carter?" He snaked backed down the incline and scooted alongside her.

"What?"

"You're supposed to be asleep."

"Watching your six, sir." she said calmer than she felt.

"You always do, doncha?" He set down his rifle and settled his capped head against the mossy wall.

"Try, sir." The moonlight had settled on his face. It was a handsome rugged face that could be hard or soft depending on his mood. She loved when the little kid in him and those dimples came out to play. It'd been ages since he'd cracked a bad joke or intentionally said something to make her laugh. No Hallmark moments. No red Jell-O versa blue Jell-O debates. Worse, they'd not met in their closet for months. The Jack O'Neill she liked and loved was missing in action.

"You could have left me behind. Why'd you bring me, sir?"

"Suppose it's that honor thing, never leave someone behind." He shrugged.

"Or I'm less of a liability under your watch then helping General Hammond find you."

"There's that. And cease the salutation lingo. Having gone AWOL it no longer applies."

"It's a form of military protocol and respect, sir. And I believe your message to General Hammond exonerated me."

"Carter!" he said wearily.

"Okay, si--what do I call you?"

"Jack and when it fits, Jackass."

"It does."

"I'm sorry, Sam." He tipped his canteen to his lips and drank deeply, then offered it to her.

She'd not expected honesty. Staring at him, she accepted the water and took a swig, relishing the tang from his lips on the canteen's mouth.

"What?" He smiled in the passing moonlight. "Got a problem with me apologizing?"

"No." She shivered, tugging her solar blanket higher up her waist. Why did she suspect he was playing mind games? Because she knew him. She felt his gaze. There'd been a time he'd have put his arm about her and held her close. "For body warmth," he would have said were anyone else around while, she knew it meant far more. He hadn't held her in two months twelve days and thirty-two minutes. Not since the night they'd returned from his cabin. Yeah, she knew exactly how long it had been and that hurt all the more. Sam reached into her vest pocket and then took Jack's hand prying open his fingers.

"What?"

"You forgot these." She dropped the metal chain into his hand.

"Didn't."

"Sir," she protested.

"Consider them under your pillow." Jack slipped them over her neck and beneath her jacket.

"Oh." She swallowed recalling their vows. The day she found his tags under her pillow meant he'd retired. Course this wasn't the first time they'd played this game. Then again he'd not gone AWOL and would face court martial if he returned. There had to be an out for this. Temporary insanity? Pleading the Fifth? Something.

"Cold?" His warm fingers grazed her cool cheek.

"No."

"Ah." He nodded. "Coulda fooled me." He hedged over until their shoulders brushed and leaned into her, the heat of his lean muscled body sent her over the emotional cliff.

"Why?" She hugged herself and looked at him, relieved the night hid her eyes, hid his.

"What?"

"Why have you pushed me away? Shut me out? Why don't you hold me anymore, Jack?" For normal couples she'd just asked, 'Why don't you make love to me anymore?'

Jack looked down at his fidgeting hands and then turned to her. She doubted he could see her expression, but he had certainly discerned her intimate message. His hot sultry breath tickled her chin and she shivered. Jack's distinct inner scent had become a part of the air she breathed and relied upon. Inhaling deeply, she felt its intoxication saturate her lungs and spiral through her. Sam wanted to hold him, kiss him. And as much as she desired this man, her emotional need of him had evolved far beyond the physical. What they'd obtained seemed outside the natural realm. She wondered if other couples shared their unique bond. With not being able to physically consummate their love, they'd found other means to become one, holding one another being their primary bond. What was felt in those embraces went beyond intellectual capacity. Neither had ever questioned it, until now.

"Sam—I don't know what to say. I want to hold you again, I want—Hell, I died back there," he flourished his hand toward Baal's fortress. "I'm dead inside, Sam. Still am."

"You died when Daniel ascended."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard."

"Yeah, well, you're wrong on so many levels." He scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Not from my end of the spectrum. You shoved me away then too. I needed you more than ever, Jack," she addressed him intimately. This was about them.

"Hey, I—"

"Daniel was--is like my brother and when I needed comfort from someone who understood me, you the most important person in my life weren't there for me. When I tried to talk one-on-one you told me to go see Mackenzie."

"I did?" He rubbed the back of his neck as if confused.

"Yeah. And you kept SG-1 active. Denied us the time to grieve."

"Grieve what? Daniel's not dead he's just, well, out there," He waved toward the sky, "floating about with the rest of the Ancients, blowing papers off our desks, tickling us, making us sneeze. He's still here and as annoying as ever."

Yeah, wasn't that the truth. "But I still needed you."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I thought when we spent that night on my roof talking about Daniel. Well, I thought that we put closure on this."

"Closure?" Sam snapped her teeth. "You think getting us plastered on your roof put closure to Daniel's going Ancient?"

"It did for me."

Sighing, Sam didn't want to argue on how Jack handled Daniel's leaving. With Jack it was a no-win situation. "So you buy into that Ancient ascension and higher realm stuff?"

He turned and seemed to consider her, "No. And you?"

"Haven't decided. I'm still on the fence regarding anything spiritual. Although believing in God is a whole lot more appealing than thinking about the Ancient's playing Him. No different than the Goa'uld."

"Yeah." His vagueness bothered her.

"You still believe?" Strange how his faith was important to her, perhaps because she was one of the few to know he did believe in God.

"Yeah," he offered.

They sat in common silence. Jack had managed to redirect the conversation and leave _them_ out of the picture. For the time being Sam yielded, yawned and then shivered. She hadn't slept in twenty-four hours. Her head lulled and dropped against his left shoulder. She jerked upright.

"Sorry." She shifted to move away.

"C'mere," he urged. His arm eased around her and he drew her into his warmth. Placing his right hand over his P90, he tipped his knit-capped head against the granite wall, and held her possessively.

Giving in, Sam relaxed against the shoulder that had become her pillow over the years. She'd missed it and its owner. She closed her eyes and sighed contently. She was home again in his arms. Jack shifted his weight and pulled the solar blanket around them. When his fingers began sifting through her hair, Sam snaked her arm around his waist and cuddled.

Jack's lips skimmed her hairline and to her joy he sung in a whisper, "I know it's been sometime, but there's something on my mind, you see I haven't been the same since that cold November day, . . ."

Wrapped in her husband's arms with sleep embracing her, Sam dismissed Daniel's warning. Jack O'Neill, the man she loved could never, ever harm her.

00000

Sam couldn't breath! Struggling, she opened her eyes to find Jack sprawled on top of her, one hand pressed against her windpipe, the other—Holy Hannah! He was trying to rape her!

"Stop!" Jack roared. "Stop touching me—sounding like her—being her!"

Sam struggled against the weight of her husband. She'd forgotten how heavy his long lean frame was. And although that wasn't his side arm pressed against her inner thigh he was speaking incoherently. Heaven help her, he didn't know what he was doing!

"Ooh," Jack groaned out, definitely not the groan of pain.

Sam was furious. Dawn breaking overhead, she relaxed to suck air and break his grip on her neck. His arm eased off her windpipe, but she was still pinned. Before she retaliated to violence, he was lifted off her. A dozen staff weapons were in their faces. So much for their safe haven. No doubt Jack's vociferous antics had caught the Jaffa's attention.

Jack was yanked to his feet, then Sam.

"Kree!" A Jaffa ordered then addressed Jack who seemed confused but awake. "You, Tauri?"

"Do'h, here's your sign!" He glanced at Sam. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yes." She nodded as her sidearm and knife got yanked from her hostler.

"So." Jack glanced back at the Jaffa honcho. "Take me to your queen bee."

Sam squinted in the breaking light at him.

"Gut hunch." He shrugged as they were shoved together and marched down the hill.

00000

They didn't get the honors to meet anyone noteworthy as they were escorted down the familiar corridors of Baal's fortress. Debris and rubble everywhere, but someone had been doing some serious housecleaning. With a little spit and polish this place could be up and running in no time. That troubled Jack. He also wasn't sure if they were going to be separated, but knew what was coming.

"Carter, when they stop at a dead-end lay on your back feet first."

She nodded with a guarded look. She'd been that way since the Jaffa found them.

"Kree!" A young armed guard jabbed Jack's ribs.

Sam flinched when he took the hit.

"Hey." Jack pointed at the man's shaggy hair. "Ya do know the mullet got banned after MacGyver, son? He ruined it for everyone." Jack got slammed in the lower back with a staff weapon. He lurched forward but managed to stay on his feet. "The Marines say pain is weakness leaving the body. Bullcrap!"

"Sir?" Sam cautioned.

"Just getting warmed up, Carter." He winked. "I mean look at that hairdo, no self-respecting Goa'uld would be caught dead—."

The guard slammed him in the jaw. Jack went down on his knees. "Now that hurt." He touched his bruised chin.

"Please, shut up, sir?" Sam dropped beside him, shaking her head at his tenacity.

"Tough audience," he winced. When the guard motioned to hit him again, Jack put up a hand of surrender. "Fine." He rose with Sam, before they were yanked a part.

When they halted in front of a blank wall Jack dropped onto his butt. Sam mimicked him. "Just like a park slide," he kidded. The floor fell out beneath them and they slipped on their backs, landing on the stone floor.

"Wow!" Sam exclaimed, "What was that?"

"One of Baal's gravity doohickeys I told ya about." He shoved to his feet and offered her his hand.

Sam hesitated.

His face tightened with regret. "Look, I don't know what I did to you before, Sam, but I'm sorry."

"I know." She accepted his hand and stood. "Let's not talk about that now."

"Well there's a switch."

She opened her mouth as if to say something then refrained. Probably for the best, he dismally concluded.

Sam went to work checking out their accommodations. "Solid walls. Incandescent lighting."

"Yeah, kinda that Southwest stucco style. Needs paint, carpeting, furniture," he drifted off, as he slid onto the opposite wall-bench. "Room service sucks and there's no head."

Although she appeared to ignore him, Jack knew she was listening. Her attentive gaze settled on the scuffmarks he traced with his finger. He saw her expression when she realized this was the same cell he'd occupied during his first captivity.

"You think Baal's back?" Sam turned and faced him.

"Doubt it. Yu kicked his sorry ass pretty hard. Who's ever here is in transit. Nothing's heavily guarded, no sign of someone hunkering down for the winter."

"Which Goa'uld?"

"Nirrti."

"I see. But then you already knew that. This is where you came when you got so called _lost _two weeks ago while we were on PX7 044."

"That's why you're a national treasure." He dragged a hand through his hair.

"You set us up to be captured." Her voice lilted.

"Only way in and might I remind you, Carter, you weren't invited."

Sam charged over and folded to her knees in front of him. "Why? What can you possibly gain by being taken prisoner? You're not yourself, Jack. You've become selfish, cold and cruel."

"You always were observant." He sarcastically snorted.

He dropped his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Jack tried to remember what horrible thing he'd done to her an hour ago. He'd never seen her that frightened before, least of all by him. And then he remembered. God forgive him, he'd been aroused, thinking she was Shallan.

"Is this still an affect from the sarcophagus?"

"No. And you wouldn't understand."

"Try me." She grabbed his jacket front and leaned into him, glaring.

"Can't." His fingers snared her wrist breaking her grip on him. "Don't!" he threatened, glowering into her blue eyes, wishing the lustful anger descending upon him would leave before he hurt her. "I told you to go back, Carter," he snarled, and then his voice softened, "The very young do not always do as they are told. And because of that you might get hurt."

"I'm not a child, Jack." She tipped her blonde head in a pleading way, "Please, tell me what else Baal did to you?"

"So big mouth Daniel's been spouting off again, hey? Just got a D- in loyalty 101!" he shouted to the walls.

"Jack?" Sam reached over and brushed her fingertips along his tightened jaw.

Warmed by her intimate caress, by the loving desperation in her cobalt eyes, Jack saw what he needed to protect. He stared back and almost confessed what Baal had inflicted upon him. But the cold emptiness he'd been forced to endure in this hellhole, the humiliation of how Baal demeaned their love assailed and taunted him like it just happened.

He thought back to the time on Argos when he'd made love to Kynthia and began aging faster than the life cycle of a mosquito. Sure, he thought he'd been making love to Sam and she knew he'd been drugged, let alone he couldn't remember the indiscretion. Sam's logical mind understood how and why it had happened, but her heart had not been that easily convinced. So how could she understand, let alone forgive him for the multiple acts of adultery that had occurred here, when he couldn't forgive himself? Rather, she'd not know. Rather she hated him for being an insensitive ass, than infidelity. Yeah, that he could handle.

"Get out of my face, bitch!" He shoved her off and pulling himself into a fetal position turned into the wall.

00000

Shoving to her feet Sam was stunned into silence. In the nearly seven years they'd been together, Jack had never called her that crass name. She watched her husband withdraw. She didn't know who shook more. She noticed his rigid spine and trembling shoulders. No doubt shock from finding himself in the same cell let alone, realizing he'd tried to rape her.

Just before he'd turned away, she had seen the apprehension in his face, his mouth narrowing and the nerve of his left eyelid flickered. His brown eyes had darkened like an abyss. In that moment she felt his misery, glimpsed his hell.

"God help us?" she pleaded out loud, "Please?"

00000

Jack buried his head in hands and recalled one of many conversations with Daniel that never made the mission report.

_"I don't understand, Jack, why won't you let me help you ascend?" _

_Rage, hurt and desperation made Jack turn on his friend. "Because I don't believe in your ascension crap! I don't believe it's a spiritual path of enlightenment anymore than I believe Homer Simpson's real!"_

_"So what do you believe?"_

_"I believe there's one way to Heaven, Daniel, and Oma and her glowing friends aren't it. There's something rotten in Denmark with those Ancients. Maybe they're demons or maybe their trip to paradise is strictly the greatest scientific breakthrough of the millennium. I don't know and don't care."_

_Jack drew a weary breath and slumped down on the wall bench, his gaze lowered to the acid burned and knife holes of his shirt. Holes. "Daniel, every person is born with an invisible hole inside their hearts. A hungry void that needs to be filled, right?"_

_"Yes," Daniel nodded. "Science calls it the spiritual hole. It's what separates us from lower life forms."  
_

"_Well, I used to have a hole the size of Kansas in my heart. It's a lot smaller now and is filled with a love I can't comprehend. And it's not because of you Ancients and your 'can't interfere' philosophy, that has you sitting on the sideline watching me suffer but telling me I got one option to get outa Dodge. And that's to ascend to some freaking invisible plan of well being."_

_Speechless, Daniel gaped; no doubt shocked that Jack could be philosophical._

_"Daniel my God is involved and He's not sitting on the sidelines. I'm not afraid to die, but I sure the heck don't intend for Baal to continue torturing that innocent woman or using me as a pawn. It's obvious she knows what I don't. If I am forced to continue in this insidious charade, she will crack and Baal will have won! That's so not going to happen!"_

_"You haven't told me what Baal is making you do to her?"_

_What little pride had left crumbled before him. "Can you Ancients' smell?" _

_"Why sure." _

_"Then take a good whiff coz this isn't some new cologne I'm wearing." _

_Daniel inhaled then winced. "Oh!" He stole a nervous glanced at Jack. "You mean you made love to Baal?"_

_"Hell no!" Jack shuddered. "To the lotar and believe me, there was nothing romantic about it. Goa'ulds' don't make love, Daniel, they have sex, they screw, they rape. That's when I realized I wasn't with Sam. Too animalistic, taking, no giving." He winced recalling his lack of control in the dreams. _

_"So when you drink the blood of Sokar . . ." Daniel waved a hand and looked at his feet embarrassed. _

_"Yeah. We have intercourse and not just in my head." _

_"Wow!" Daniel seemed to pale at this admission. _

_" And Baal has a front row seat with popcorn and soda." _

_"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry . . ."_

_"Are you, Daniel? Like you didn't watch too?" _

_Daniel blushed. "I—um, no! Oma found me and I was arguing with her, I didn't know--honest." _

_"Well, that's a relief. Bad enough with Baal . . ." he trailed off and then raised the index fingers of both hands for emphasis, "She looks and talks like Sam until she starts asking me questions."_

_"About?" _

_"What Kanan told the Tok'ra. A bit odd doncha you think?" Jack finally looked him in the eyes. _

_"Yes. Which means Baal still believes Kanan left you with Intel." _

_"Which means he's not going to stop until he has what he wants. I'd rather he was killing me. Crap!" Jack scrubbed his hands over his face then looked Daniel head on. "No matter what happens, Carter must never know. So now if you're not going to help me get out of this rat's hole, at least put me out of my misery before they come back."_

_"You want me to kill you?" Daniel's mouth slackened. _

_"Yes." He turned on Daniel. "I believe that's called a dying man's last request?" _

_"What about Sam? She's the reason you took the symbiote."_

_Jack glowered. "Yeah, biggest mistake of my life. And Hammond believes I did it to help the Tok'ra. That'd be the day!"_

"_Hammond's no fool, he knows '_why_' you did it, Jack." Daniel shook his head. "Sam is desperate to find you. She, Teal'c and Jonas are not giving up."_

_"Until now I counted on them. If anyone can get me out of this S&B experiment its Carter. But if she succeeds what will she find? A cold heartless SOB. Bad enough I can be one without trying, I sure don't want to live like one twenty-four-seven, let alone let Carter find me that way. Better to end it now."_

_"You don't believe in suicide, Jack."_

_"No, but if—well, this is like any mission gone wrong. I've got Intel Baal can't have. Hey, if I had a cyanide pill, I'd take it. So just finish me off! Tell Sam I loved her." _

_"I'm sorry, Jack, I can't take your life." _

_"If our roles were reversed I'd do it for you." _

_"You're a better man than that." _

"_No. Any minute, they're gonna come. Baal might use the blood of Sokar or kill me again. You can make it the last time."_

_"Don't ask me to do that?"_

_"You can put an end to it . . ."_

_"I won't do it . . ." _

_They looked up as the corridor door opened._

_"I'd do it for you, and you know it." Jack walked over and lied down with his feet a few inches from the wall so when it became the floor, he was ready. "I don't wanna see this cell again, Daniel."_

_The Jaffa reoriented the room, grabbed Jack by the arms and ushered him out of the cell and back to hell._

00000

It seemed forever she'd sat there watching him. And despite his uncouth coldness she'd eventually found her way to his side. Sam knew they were being watched and didn't care. When she urged his stiff shaking body against hers, he didn't resist. She knew now that he was trying to protect her from himself and the demons that tortured his heart, mind and soul.

When she saw his tear-stained face, she asked, "What did that monster do to you?"

"Sorry." Jack murmured into her shoulder. He wasn't aware of her presence. His breath sharpened. He roughly grabbed her.

Sam tried to remain calm and hoped to talk him back to reality. "Jack, listen to me, you are not Baal's prisoner. You're here with me."

"Carter?" he rasped.

"Yes, sir." She decided to try the military route hoping his sense of propriety would kick in.

"But you want it this way," he growled nipping at her neck with his teeth. "Want it hard and rough."

"No!" Sam protested. "I don't! You don't. This isn't how we—" Jack shoved her onto her back and her head smacked the stone floor. With his added height and weight he overpowered her. One hand clenched her wrists over her head. Those hands she'd always dreamt of tenderly caressing her now brutally tore her jacket open. He unhitched her belt and ripped open her BDU pant's yanking the zipper free with such force she felt the seam rip.

Sam was about to knee him when his kiss took her by surprise. It was hard and bruising but when his tongue forced its way between her lips, she surrendered as she tasted his hunger. Jack! It had been so long. She responded and pressed upward as he moved against her in the motion of intercourse. Perhaps, if she cooperated she could gain an advantage—he released her wrists. His long callused fingers circled her neck tightly.

Mercy! Sam bucked against him not realizing her struggle excited him more. She gasped for air and tried to get some leverage to break free.

"Aah!" he called out and then released a groan as his hands dropped from her neck. Sucking air, Sam realized Jack had climaxed. He slumped against her making breathing more difficult. She felt the dampness of his spent seed seep onto her panties. She felt sick, scared and angry. When he rolled off he was still shaking from the aftermath. Sam crawled to her knees. Her stomach rumbled and then she vomited.

Afterward, she found Jack in the corner with his knees pulled to his chest, his expression vacant. She cautiously watched as he returned to the reality of what just happened. His amber brown eyes widened when he touched his stained crotch and his shaking hands tugged his opened zipper shut.

"Hell, no!" He looked over spotting her disheveled clothes. The scent of sex and the stench of her vomit merged as one. A moment later he too retched.

Sam scurried into the opposite corner. The reality of their interaction took root. What was happening to them? He had attempted to rape her twice. Would he succeed the next time?

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," Jack's muffled voice drifted from the opposite corner. "I-I warned you . . ."

Yes he had. Her eyes squeezed shut Sam clutched her churning tummy and berated herself. This was as much her fault and yet she couldn't help the rising fury that churned her gut. Jack had forced himself upon her! When his cold hand gently grazed her cheek, she lashed out and kicked him in the chest, sending him flying across the cell. She heard the sickening sound of his body slamming into the wall. His stunned look said he'd not expected her retaliation.

"Damn you!" she cursed. Tears burned and she envisioned beating him, even snapping his neck. In seconds she hovered over him ready to pounce.

Sprawled against the wall holding his chest, Jack looked up and ordered through painful puffs, "Finish it, Carter, take me out—now!"

"What?" The rage drained out of her and she dropped to her knees. She'd hurt the man she loved. She had become like him, heartless.

"If you don't kill me, I'll do it again. Next time I'll do more than rape you, I'll—"

"Kill me?" She met his dark glint.

"Yes. And don't think I won't."

"Why kill me?" She summoned composure she didn't feel. She was freezing cold. No doubt shock.

"Can't help it." Grimacing, he shoved upright and dropped his head against the cream colored wall. "Coming back triggered this . . ." He slammed his fist into the wall. Slicing his knuckles, they bled. "Warped images having sex with you. . . Strangling Baal, I . . ." He motioned to strike the wall again.

"No!" Sam caught Jack's hand and forced it to his side. She understood. He'd been strangling Baal, not her! "None of this is your fault, sir."

"Sir?" he said dejectedly just as he had after their ice planet mission.

"Yes, you need to listen to me. We're going to get out of this. I promise."

Overhead the door opened and two armed Jaffa looked in. Jack slipped onto his back and faced the ceiling. Sam hesitated and then did likewise. Turning her head she saw the ghostly remnant of Colonel Jack O'Neill. He'd always been there for her no matter what. Now she had to be here for him. Reaching out, she tentatively laced her fingers within his clammy bleeding hand and held firm.

"For better or worse, Jack," she said softly.

As the floor shifted he looked over as if seeing her for the first time. "You deserve better."

"So do you."


End file.
